I’ve been mourning, seriously mourning for the past couple of days, hell, even on Election night as I watched Hillary Clinton’s grasp on the presidency slowly slipped away. Every day since then, I’ve pulled up a blank post and attempted to write out how I’m feeling, what I’m feeling, but I always ended up at the same conclusion. I was confused, unsure of how to feel or react, therefore I would always delete a post with jumbled up sentences that didn’t fit. It’s hard to describe the way I’m feeling. I’m so upset, but most of all I’m disappointed.
Before we talk about Donald Trump, this whole election, or anything like that. I want to say that I do, indeed, respect all views, all political parties, I respect your opinion. As an independent, I research the candidates, I do it all unbiased, in the most simple way I can to just get the facts. I’ve written about this before when I wrote why I was choosing to support Hillary Clinton. I truly believe in democracy, that people should follow their own views for their own reasons. It’s a core belief of mine that people are the best when they are being true to themselves.
With that being said, this election crushed me. Long before the outcome presented itself, this election process was one of the worst things I’ve watched happen. I don’t know what I was expecting. Maybe I was just being naive. This was my first presidential election that I watched as an informed citizen. What I do know is that this election process was unique, I know this for a fact. Never before has an election been filled with such scandal, such hate, it’s what broke me to the core.
You are entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your political views. But the fact that human decency was lost during this election is beyond me. I don’t care how much you dislike one candidate over the other. Suggesting that your opponent needs to be shot to emphasize how second amendment rights are sacred. Supporting calls to jail an opponent and different merchandise that displayed this. The vulgar language used was more than enough to disgust me. Another thing to note is that Trump supporters are using rap music to justify that all people speak in the same way as Trump, is beyond stupid. Like one Twitter user said, I’d like to hold my President to a higher standard than a rapper.
Voting for Donald Trump was telling millions of people that you don’t care about them. You are telling women, people of color, people of different religions, thousands of millions of people that they don’t matter. You are telling them that they are less than you, that they aren’t a whole person. What? Are we back to telling African Americans that they are 3/4’s a person? Or that you aren’t a citizen until you own land? I thought these times were past us, way past us. I know that some people want to go back to these times, but seriously? I never knew people were so desperate to go this far back. These were dark times in American history. They weren’t completely erased, but they were times that were meant to stay in the past. Yet here we are, back in the past.
This presidential election was more than electing the first female president or electing the first non-politician to be president. This election was about securing the rights of all people. I’ll be honest with you, I don’t feel safe in Donald Trump’s America. I have never felt unsafe before, truly scared for my life unsafe, but now I do. I found myself looking over my shoulder as I walked to my car at night the night after the election. I find myself gripping my car keys tightly in my hand with my finger hovering over the alarm button. I found myself ordering pepper spray on Amazon because I wanted something to protect myself, in case saying no or walking away won’t work. If America is the land of the free, why do I feel trapped and restrained everywhere I go?
I read something on Facebook the day after the election and I think it’s more relevant than ever before. It said, “If you’re not anxious, scared for your/your family’s well being right now, you have privilege. There’s no other way to put it.” I am truly scared for my well-being, my family’s well-being, my race’s well-being, my fellow women’s well-being. There’s no other way to put it. To those who aren’t scared, please don’t belittle my fear or the fears of others. You may not have ever had your rights threatened, your race minimalized, or your fears shouted from the highest position in this country, but I have, along with many others. Don’t belittle me, don’t glare at disgust towards the protestors. In case you weren’t aware, other people have rights too.
Filled with fear and hope,