Happiness is hard to describe. This past New Year’s, I decided to have happiness down as a New Year’s resolution. It may sound vague, or dare I say, stupid, but to me it was a real resolution. I wanted to be happy, really truly happy. I wanted to stop faking happiness, I wanted something real. This seemed like an easy resolution to make, but I had no idea how I was going to achieve it. How does one achieve happiness. Let me tell you, happiness is a way of life.
Happiness can be found in the simplest things. It can be getting your morning coffee just the way you want it, winning concert tickets from a radio show, or going on a really good first date. Your happiness should not rely on someone else. That is not true happiness, at least in my book. My happiness was found in doing something with my life. I felt like I was doing something that mattered, I felt loved, I found people to care for, I allowed myself to see the happiness in everything.
When I first set this goal, I was in a tough spot, I was having troubles making friends, adjusting to a new school, balancing everything I had going on in my life. I was in a sort of identity crisis. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be, and that’s a huge part of me. My personal self-identity is one of the most important things to me, its my brand, it’s how I see myself and how I want people to see me. This struggle broke me at times and I didn’t allow myself to open up to anybody and tell them how lost I was truly feeling. I was prohibiting my own happiness by guarding myself. To make matters worse, I was at a new school, declaring a new major (the first major change in 10 years), and I lost a couple best friends that I thought would be with me for the rest of my life. The last part was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. People always talk about the heartbreak they face when ending a relationship with a significant other, but the heartbreak from losing a friend is much much worse, trust me. I have always had a difficult time letting people in, so letting these three people in took everything in me. While we were only friends for 2-3 years, it was during my time at Towson, so I spent everyday with these people, almost every waking minute to an extent. They were there for some of the hardest times in my life, they grew alongside me, and they allowed me to join their life and we became like a family. After almost 3 years, that all ended. These three people were gone from my life. It didn’t feel fair, I didn’t feel whole, I felt like everything was wrong with me. I lost my self-confidence.
A year later, I am still without these people, but it gets easier everyday. I still think about them on a daily basis, but now it’s not in a sad way. I reflect on what they did for me, and I’m eternally grateful. I know I made an impact on their lives too, so that comforts me. I can’t speak to how they’re doing, but I think I am actually able to say that I am happy. I was forced to learn that people come and go in your life, despite what they might say. The only thing you can do is find it in yourself to be a better person. You have to find your inner strength and self-confidence and allow yourself to be happy.
A person or group of people don’t define you just like words can’t define you. You define you.
I’ve learned what kind of person I am when it’s just me. I may not always have the support system I do now because nothing ever stays the same. People will come and go from your life, and that’s okay. People change, you change, nothing can stay the same forever. I am most certainly not the same person I was when I met them, and they aren’t either. But I’m finally content with who I am, and I’m proud of all I’ve accomplished. I know my self-worth, and I have my self-confidence back and it’s stronger than ever.
The reason I was not happy before was because I let others determine my happiness. After finding it in myself, I know that I am in control of my own happiness. I’ve learned the hard way and I’ve been through tough times, but like many have said before, you have to go through difficult times to emerge stronger. (See: “Stronger” Kelly Clarkson)
Everyone has happiness in them. Everyone has confidence in them. You just have to dig deep and find it. Whether it’s through the most difficult part of your life or just through self-reflection, you can find it. I believe in you. Your happiness and confidence will be your strongest weapons. With them you can take on the world, and achieve anything you set your sights on. It takes a lot of hard work and determination, but it also takes happiness and confidence. That’s the key to true personal success.